Ana's Magic CastleAs the door slams shut and locks loudly behind you, the scene is not as you anticipated. What you see is a large and dusty dirt courtyard surrounded by the stark stone castle walls. Strangely, there are ladders every 20 or 30 feet, leading over the wall, but no one seems to be climbing them. There are also several objects about 25 feet in height, reminiscent of huge boarding platforms for airplanes. Pondering this, you begin to notice the people - self-absorbed, mumbling to themselves, wandering aimlessly, each clutching a single sheet of paper, blank, save for the large 2-4-6-8 printed boldly across the top. Looking closer, you see that everyone is blindfolded. Suddenly someone runs into you from behind. "Oh, I'm so sorry," they say, "but you certainly look lovely today, so thin and beautiful." "Huh? How can you tell that - you're wearing a blindfold!" you reply. "You must be new, hun," says the wanderer, "here, you're going to need this," she says calmly as she pulls a blindfold from her size 00 jeans and ties it around your head, covering your eyes. "What's the blindfold for?" you ask. "It will keep you from seeing how beautiful you really are," she replies. "If you could see yourself as you really are, you might be tempted to.... to....." and her words faltered as the unmentioned implication hung heavy in the air. Breaking back in suddenly, she continued, "Besides, with this on, whenever you encounter someone else, you can always tell them how great they look, and how thin, and what a great job they are doing, and that they should keep it up." But your thoughts are drifting - you are anxious to get started. "Tell me, please, what I need to do in order to achieve this Nirvana!" "It's simple," she replies, thrusting a piece of paper into your hands. You suspect that it may contain a large heading printed across the top. "This is your map. Just follow it and it will lead you to your destination." "But I can't see it - I'm blindfolded," you correctly acknowledge, but she has already moved on to the next topic. "You're probably wondering about the food - about when we eat," she said. "It's tomorrow." "Oh, you eat on Thursdays?" you ask, remembering today is Wednesday. "No, I mean we eat tomorrow. We never eat today - it's always tomorrow." Suddenly you begin to wonder just what you've gotten yourself into. A little chill goes down your spine. "Wait a minute - I can't live without food completely, can I?" "Sure you can, hun," she says. "Just drink diet coke for energy and have a cigarette to kill the hunger. Besides, did you see those large structures with the word BINGE painted on the side?" You nod your head yes and she continues, "Those are escalators. If you get too hungry you can get on one. More likely you will accidently stumble onto it unintentionally. You get to eat all the way up." "That sounds wonderful," you say with glee, "then does it reverse direction?" "No, at the top it just dumps you over the edge and you fall 25 feet to the ground. Most of us survive the first few times we fall." Several minutes of silence pass as you think about all you have heard and seen. Finally you speak, "This does not seem to be at all what I had in mind. I think I'd like to leave, just walk back out the door and go back from where I came." "I'm afraid you can't do that," she sighed, "although all of us would like to do the same. Once you are here, you can never leave." Frantically you search your brain for a solution. In an instant it comes to you. "But... what about those ladders up against the wall? We can all just go over to them and climb out!" She laughed out loud. "You mean the ones labeled HEALTHY WEIGHT LOSS? Dear dear dear.... we could NEVER use them. They are MUCH TOO SLOW." And with that, she slowly wandered off, clutching her paper tightly in one hand, mumbling something about having to look good for a party that she wasn't going to attend because they would be serving food.... |